Monday, 6 February 2012

Marcy Marc

I'd have sex with Marc Jacobs. Marc Jacobs is a frieken hot piece of gay man ass (and we all know how I like me some homo on the side) but unfortunately if we were to meet he probably wouldn't share my feelings. Even If I got him ridiculously hetrosexually drunk he still would shut me down. However, this doesn't stop my love for him and his designing genius.

With this in mind he totally dropped the ball on his main line for Spring 2012. Maybe he's bitten off more than he can chew... designing LV would be a grueling process (grueling, fabulous- potatoe, potatoe... that really doesn't work in writing does it..). Vuitton, however, was delightful. And the giant carousel? Brilliant. Can't be bothered researching who the mastermind was behind that but it was definitely well played. Anyway, back to it. Marco. What you doin'. Buddy. Mate. Get your head in the game or I'll have to start sending you Zac Efron E-cards. No one wants that (I do a little).

What the fuck Jacobs:
Marc Jacobs Spring 2012,
In the 80's a small high school in New Jersey had a '2012' themed prom. This was the dress that the unpopular ugly girl wore (don't worry, she's now a very successful lawyer). It was not nice then and it is not nice now. 

Marc Jacobs Spring 2012
Same scenario but push it back into the 20's. WHAT ARE YOU DOING MAN. This is just an uglier version of the ugly dress in LV's Pre-Fall-

LV Pre Fall 2012
I want to hit my head on a wall. 

Aw man, now I feel bad bitching on Marc Jacobs. It's kind of like ragging on your best friend to a stranger at a pub because your best friend stepped on your suede shoes when you were dancing and you'd had maybe 5 too many vodka sunrises and thought it was a good idea to slap the bitch and then got ass hauled out of the club by 2 security guards while screaming slaggy comments at said best friend. That's exactly how I feel when talking bad 'bout MJ. Because even though both best friend and Jacobs totally deserved it, they're still your bestie/designer-you-don't-know.

So. With that said. Here we are with MARC BY MARC JACOBS RULING IN 2012. It's dorky and suave at the same time. He's adhering to trends yet making them his own. Hell he probably made the trends. Bastard-genius. There is just the right amount of subdued tailoring and bright colours to clash into what is almost always a home runner for M by MJ. The patterns, the peplums, the almost ugly shorts and navy blues with red accessories- I loved it all. He does classic/modern with a twist so well it hurts my bank account.

So, without further adieu, I give you the best of Marc Jacobs in 2012 (so far..)

LV Spring 2012
My rich husband and I are 100% having a carousel in our house. It will take us to the different wings of the mansion. We shall call it the 'Manse-mobile'. 

Marc by Marc Jacobs Spring 2012.
The Manse-mobile's horse will be dressed in navy and red MbyMJ horse clothing. 

LV Spring 2012
Cayooooot Want me a romantic-harlequin-collared-pastel body suit asap. Also want that models legs. But mostly the play suit (mostly the legs). 

MbyMJ Spring 2012
1. The colours. 2. The pattern. 3. THE VISOR. 4. The square really inconvenient but totally lust-able clutch-bag-lunch box. That is all. 

LV S'12
Lemon and cream should always be seen. Cept this is more mustard and white but that really doesn't rhyme as well now does it? Idiots. 

MbyMJ S'12
Y'ALL PLZ TAKE NOTE: We are currently experiencing a sneak-creep in action. With mixed prints. And  orange. And peplum. And visor. This is a lot to take in, I'm having small heart palps. Don't worry, they'll pass. 

Strolling to the beach in my modern chic oversized albino bat shirt. Have a laze around, look through a specially designed catalogue that rich people surely get sent by designers but don't talk about because they don't want a pleb uprising. Decide I might take a swim so unbutton my shirt and...

WHABAM- I'm in orange and navy halter neck one-piecer with gills. Didn't see that one coming didn't you un-suspecting beach-dwellers? But don't worry, I didn't get kicked out of the private ocean pool for  being too outlandish and common. I'm still more expensive than all of your pocket-dogs put together. 

Brillo. Now I need to figure out what to wear to this totally rockin' and most probably totally snobby Russh party I'm going to tonight. I re-glittered my nails, I shaved for the first time in 2 weeks, I'm ready to rock and or roll, baby. Smell you dudes latorrr.


PS How do we feel about smooches? I like to use it but I'm pretty sure guys choose not to have sex with me due to it's common usage in my everyday colloquial.. fuck that I'm an empowered woman. I don't need men for sex. I can have sex with.. myself? Wow.. life just got a little bit more pathetic. Or awesome. Not sure yet. 


  1. i like smooches - i pretty much wish everyone would speak to me the way old ladies talk to their small dog dressed in a tartan jacket. NEVER SURRENDER!

    also YUS agree x 135453. why is this not a possibility?? come to the UK, we have stephen fry! xx