Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Collab Rehab

One thing I love about fashion is when they do something that they deem 'good for the people'. And I'm not talking about environmentally friendly or anti-sweat shop designers (although that is always good, don't get me wrong.. please don't get me wrong..) I'm a talkin' about when designers decide to make cheap ass clothing for the little guys. aka me. As much as I'm happy to take on fashionable trends and work with cheap online stores (hallewwww asos) or what I've already got (hallewwww hand me downs) to make something completely fabuloose and fashion (I'm totally joking guys hessian sack is my middle name ((It's really not)) ) sometimes It's nice to get something that has been designed by a real designer and not just copying the trends in a mass produced bad quality way. WELCOME H&M's collab with almost everyone. They're making my little heart skip a little beat. Although I'm still dirt poor and would never be able to access them first round Ebay is the ultimate with anonymous and faceless people, who I like to think of as some of my closest and dearest friends, buying up and selling cheap (or over priced) for us plebs in Australia.

Not just H&M are here as a voice to the people but Target too (that's tar-jay to you, ChennĂ©y) with collaborators such as Missoni, Stella McCartney and Jason Wu. So it seems that the fashion elite are not completely against the poor. Sometimes they throw us a bone, no doubt when it suits them and is sure to bring in high revenues to their houses, but a bone all the same. And again undoubtedly (no doubts today guys, doubting fo' fools) they're sitting back laughing as they watch through the heavens drinking martini's and being fed caviar off of gold plated spoons by assless chapped butlers at the scrabble of ravenous, fashion desperate primary school teachers and uni students clawing and gnawing their way through each other to get at a pair of repellant yet totally desirable b-grade Versace leggings. Poor designers, It must be hard giving God a run for his money in the 'do-gooder' stakes.

So let's go through some of the best of the big guys giving 
fashion to the little guys through the middle guys.

Marni for H&M 2012
I found that this collection was better for 1. jewelry and 2. menswear to obviously be worn by women than the straight out women's clothes were. Humbly, you will find I'm right (particularly because I'll only show you the accessories and menswear.. suckas)
Love a bit of bling (albeit monochrome) on the ol' wax makers. Possibly the most disgusting way of describing ears, sure, but apt nonetheless.  

 I love that these kinds of bags get called 'shopper's'. They're 100% the worst bag to take with you when you go shopping. Sure they're roomy, but look at that strap. That strap does not fit over your shoulder. So instead you do an LA It-girl approach and wear it on the crook of your elbow. But you can do that for what? 2 minutes? Tops? Because you, you stupid girl, have all your shopping in it. Unlike Nicole Richie, we do not have people to actually carry all of our stuff when shopping, leaving hand bags free for the essentials: Oversized phone, credit card and chihuahua. So instead we end the whole shopping experience carrying the bag by it's straps in our hand, bent over like the frieken' hunch back of Notre Dame due to the sheer weight of a weeks worth of groceries in a look I like to call 'neanderthal chic'. Now I've brought your attention to it you'll notice it everywhere. Very on-trend at the moment, thank god for Marni and H&M.. 

What do you mean you don't need that much head space in a hat? Of course you do you intolerable, fashion illiterate twat, why the fuck are you even reading my blog? LEAVE! LEAVE NOW!

Ignore everything about this outfit (I hate graphic-designy contemp styled prints on t-shirts and I hate any jewelry with ribbons involved) But those fru-fru undies are spot on fab. So long as you're ok with having a serious case of ruffle butt every time you wear them they're totally practical underwear. aka totally impractical. But that's what this blog is all about, baby. That and being completely cynical.. my two greatest loves. 

Presenting the Man print. Print on print is possibly/probably my favourite thing to do at the mo'. All I need now is a man printed boyfriend to compliment me. What do you mean that's shallow? Why else would you have a boyfriend? God. 

Versace for H&M, 2011
Tropicannaaaaaa. Thank you Donatella for giving us your personal brand of Euro-trash. I am so turned off by the sensory offensiveness of Versace that I am forced to love it. Damn you Dona... 

 It's Hawaii. It's Hawaii framed. It's Hawaii framed in gold. It's Hawaii framed in gold on a leopard. Why? Why?? Why the fuck not? You're Versace, you have a reputation to uphold. 
How disgusting is this bag? That is all. 

You may not know this about me but I used to be a hardcore, trucker hat wearing tom-boy. Yes, yes it's true. This is like a trashed up version of what I used to live for. Which is more than enough of a reason why I'm going to track it down on Ebay and buy it's tanned, leathery skinned ass. Bad visual.. I'm sorry.

Screw my print on print man, this guy is it. He's what my dreams are made of when they're not in black and white. When they are I go back to my print man. It's always nice to have a back up. 

Sometimes normal camouflage pants don't suffice. Like when you're in the tropics playing hide and seek in a palm tree. I mean really, you'd just look stupid in your usual khaki's. Whip out these bad boys and you'll be coconut hugging for hours. 

Lanvin Hearts H&M 2010
"Kathy.. you seem drunk", "Lil' bit, but I can type like a muthafucker!" Movie would have been so much better had Kathy been hired as Carrie's personal assistant. Come on, you were all thinking it. And Elbaz was too when he created a look that was obviously Carrie after a night out with Kathy hangin' at starbucks smoking inside and laughing at patrons while throwing straws at their own reflections. Then again he might not have been thinking that at all. But in my head he was. 

BLACK DRESS POWER STANCE. Unfortunately although you might think this is a bangin' dress this is the only way you can stand in it. Walking and talking is fine, but when stationary you have no choice but to make like a villain and spread 'em. But hey, can't frisk the willing amiright, ladies? 

If I had a pokemon it'd be dressed in this dress and one of it's attacks would be 'flower vomit'.  Another ebay scour that is definitely on the cards for pay day. 

The statement I made earlier about jewelry with ribbons? Yeah.. every girl has a rule exception and this is mine. Actually you know what, it'd still be better without the damned ribbon but NO DICE HUH, ELBAZ. Asshole. 

Missoni for Target 2011
So Missoni for Targs wasn't the most inspired collection. It was typical Missoni prints (you know the Missoni 70's meets eco friendly colour schemes on zig zags and stripes) on boring basic pieces like cardigans and shapeless skirts with lots of scarves and beanies.. I was let down. But because the painter in my lounge room at the moment is rocking out to Nirvana I've come back round to a better place.

They also made homeware stuffs, (SO MUCH HOMEWARE STUFFS) which was pretty awesome. Looking for designer shower curtains? UH, YEAH YOU WERE. Literally everything from stationary to picture frames, bed linen to outdoor table sets? And candles. No self respecting designer would pass up a chance to make budget candles.
 This is the 'I'm too sexy for my sexy outfit' outfit. Model is just oozing sex repulsion. So early 2000's middle school in middle America. 

Hey! Socks! Now that christmas present to your uncle won't be quite as boring because they're by Missoni! They'll probably still be a let down because, I mean, they're still socks.  

Wanna bike? On it.
What about some picture frames? Nailed it!

And a cup and saucer set in a really finnicky and hard to use disposal unit thing? MISSONI GOT CHA COVERED. 

I especially love the frames. You buy them thinking they'll be good because they'll add a bit of designer flare to your boring niece's 2nd birthday photos but then you get home and realise that because you're putting your own photograph in you won't be keeping the Missoni display paper and in essence just bought a black frame at an inflated price.

Jason Wu for Target 2012
Now we all know how I feel about red and navy and this collection has plenty of it. What I liked about Wu for Target was that he didn't adhere completely to a basic 'run of the mill' cut out idea of what the masses want *cough, Missoni, cough*. He still added his own shit to it. 
 Awwwww pastels and bows and satchels, oh my! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE REFERENCE DOROTHY. 
Whattdiditellsya? Navy and red! Luv it! Karen Walker eat yo' heart out. 

 I have approximately 100 friends who would froth over a scarf with cats on it. Hopefully I can find a hundred on ebay by all of their 21st's. Happy generic birthday to ya'll. 

And I'm spent.

Yes dudes, I know Stella Mc-C and Rodarte and a bum load others also did collaborative shiz but check it out yourself. It's just not that great. I only gots da crem dee laa crem on my blog. Or the absolute worst of the worst. 

Now painter man is reppin' REM. Have to go dance like it's the end of the world as we know it.



  1. get me a sunset trucker cap too! it would look the goods on my lycra clad untanned leathery skinned ass. xx

  2. this post actually cracks me up so bad i've just read it like twice over. tell me you have twitter!?!?!?!?!?!

  3. that versace for h&m collection was magnificent. i think i was away when it came out or i would've totally hit that. ESPECIALLY the skirt within which one's crotch is a portal to the beach. xx