Wednesday, 15 February 2012

It's a hell of a town

New York, New York. One day we'll be acquainted, but until then all I have of you is Sex and the City (just realised how I'm going to spend the rest of my day) and fashion week. And blogs, of course, so many blogs. As the week of NY fash has just been upon us (New York) I feel I should do a little summin' of what I've been able to scope out so far. It's a lot more difficult to pick up on hype when you're sitting in bed with only the internet as your source and not, you know, at the shows themselves but what can a girl do? Cry. She can cry. So picture me crying (as I've done every minute since that awful valentines day((I jest (((but not really))) )) ) (was that the correct use of double and triple bracketing? Has that ever been done before? DID I JUST IMPROVE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE?? I'm going with yes. Don't contradict me) In bed, with some sad muesli and a sad coffee wishing they were happier (it's really depressing eating miserable breakfast- you feel fat, mentioning past boyfriends is a mistake you only make once ((milk everywhere)) and lord knows you have to put the knifes away..) and trolling through images of places I'd rather be. Wearing clothes I'd rather own.

That got a little too real. Sorry guys, I just wanted to make everyone who is a couple right now feel bad for me. And now for their impending pregnancy. I'll save you my conspiracy theories on the health system and government working with Hallmark to create a baby boom in order to save the economy. Or I could not save it and tell you like I just did. Either way this post is about NY Fashion Week so here we go bois and gurls, snuggle down with manic depressive eggs and try to keep the yolk from hitting the fan.

Marc Jacobs Fall 2012:
As I had such a hate fest on the poor guy I thought he'd be a good place to start. Not so I can rip into him some more, but so I can rejoice in his newest collection being a bit of all right.

This is what they call hats now. It's sun protection, blanket, holiday house, carry all and emergency vomit bucket all in one fuzzy head accessory. Jacob's, you've done it again. Making the absolutely unnecessary necessary. 

I knew this day would come. They got him. The Leocophant's bro. The homie of all hombodies. The Zebtigra. Who are we to say that the animal kingdom is a place of consistency? Can love not prevail everywhere? Sometimes Tiger's fall in love with Zebra's. It was a classic tiger meets zebra story- Tiger goes on the prowl, forced by his pack elder as he hadn't made a zebra kill yet and it was a part of the initiation ritual into adult tiger-hood. He slinks around some trees and spots a peppy young Zebra lass. Their eyes meet and next thing you know they're being kicked out of the Sahara after being found getting kinky behind the waterhole. Pretty sure it was the hippo's who ratted them out which is totally unfair cos we all know how hippo's feel about flamingos, am I right? So here we see the ultimate lovechild, the Zebtigra, as a hat. You cruel bastard, Jacobs... 

I feel like I shouldn't just focus on the hats. But really, the rest of the collection was a little chimney sweep sad. The colours were muted, even these sparkly ensembs (above) were a little lack lustre. It felt a lot like a Dr. Seuss novel set in the Depression with an underlying Mary Poppins/Bert love story. That didn't end well. The over sized buttons and swashbuckling Victorian glamour boots were excellent, but still. I felt like I needed to rhyme my way back to a simpler place. These were loaded hats. 

Karen Walker Fall 2012:
I'm always in awe of how Karen Walker can keep so on trend and manage to have show after show of successful collections without really changing at all. She is still 100% Karen Walker with her dorky Karen Walker style and her Karen Walker nostalgic but trendy colour schemes and Karen Walker tom-boy silhouettes. They're the same every time yet every time I see her shows and think: EUREKA and do a couple of back flips down the hall. Maybe I'm just lezzin' a bit on KW. Maybe it's because she shares the name of one of the best characters known to this fag hag world we live in (see the gold-digging, diamond wearing, bee-hive sporting KW of Will and Grace). But most of all I think it's because Karen Walker is just a decent designer who refuses to buy into high fashion fads. Sometimes, not always but sometimes, this gets respect from the fashion world. K-dubs: I salute you. 

I'm just a sucker for checks. Checks, gingham, patchwork, plaid. Anything in the Checkered family. If they'd be invited to the Check family picnic I'd be there making pants. These honey's are no exception. And with yellow? Brilliant! How had I not thought of yellow as a necessary colour for me to own? Maybe because I'm a pale red head and it'd make me look like I had a liver disease BUT I'M STILL GONNA DO IT. Just yesterday I was out with two male friends who told me I looked crazy for wearing pink pants with a leopard print cardigan and snake skin shoes so I'm obviously not attractive to the opposite sex in any way, shape or form- what do I have to lose? To yellow I say: Bring it

I feel like even I could get over my strong, strong, hateful aversion to white pants in order to rock this awesome outfit. Damn outfit, why you so awesome for? Paisley perfection. Even the tan highlights aren't offending me too profusely today. Well done tan. 

Cmonnnnnnn. That's it. That's all I have to say to this outfit. It's a c'mon loaded with mild skepticism, excited enthusiasm, persuasion and disbelief. Her shoes match her shirt for crying out load. And she's wearing orange pants. 'Nuff said.

Ultimate pervert jacket for ladies. Can't you just see this model undoing a couple of buttons and opening herself up to a gaggle of teens at a cafe somewhere? Please don't tell me it's just me.. 

There is more to come, but I have to go to work. Those small children aren't going to look after themselves now are they? No. No they're not. I'll be back with a vengeance tonight for more. I'm thinking Victoria Beckham... I can hear your gasps of disbelief but yes, readers, you read correctly. VB. 




  1. I want to start a society dedicated solely to the protection of the Zebtigra.

    Do as you please with the evil little Minks but please spare the humble Zebtigra


    1. They're a peaceful creature. They just want to love and be loved.. it's all they ask.

  2. i never understood why any gay-and-girl partnerships would want to liken themselves to will and grace when they could be karen and jack. she is the one. her and patsy and eddie. and lucille bluth. all the rich middle-aged drunks, really. ALSO, that was some extremely masterful use of the multi-bracket. and i love the super-apt description of the perve jacket, i still stare at beautiful thin 17 year old boys and my friends act like i'm some sort of sex offender? PFFT. xx