Friday, 27 January 2012

This should be seen and not heard (read)

House of Holland. House of Holy fuck balls. (Usually people change well known curse phrases to be less offensive. Mine are equally offensive and also a little repulsive. What can i say, I aim to leave a bad taste in your mouth. I apologise though, this is too many sentences for even the most untamed bracket user.) Holland's Spring 2012 Collection is making me froth at the mouth (from here on in this will be known as 'frothing' for those of you not up on the Aussie youth slang).

Henry Holland  (got a nice Humbert Humbert ring to it, doesn't it? Sorry Hen, not suggesting you're in any way pre-pubescently inclined) has come a long way since his... characteristic... slogan tee's. You remember them- "Get your freak on Giles Deacon" etc etc. Ha lol rhymes are witty. Although I really would like to say "UHU" to Gareth Pugh. (It would probably/definitely be the first time he heard it.) His newest collection, however, carries on with what seems to be a trademark flair for sophisticated nonsense. He's got some, albeit mildly oversized, tailored blazers, there are some trousers involved, and don't think he left out a fitted frock or a savvy short short. But what's that.. is that.. no.. yes.. it's tartan on tartan on tartan with a snake print belt. And that print.. well I don't know what animal it is exactly but If, and correct me if I'm wrong, a cow and a male leopard had sex and the cow had a little summin' summin' on the side with an elephant and then spawned a slightly zoologically confused offspring it would, in fact, create a beast with giant leopard cow spots ipso facto inspiration for Henry's collection. Could I have just said "Henry Holland has enlarged androgynous animal prints", well yes, yes I could have but that would make this whole piece much more concise and to the point and as you would have picked up, if this is your first time reading, in that painfully epic bracket extravaganza up top, that concise and to the point well, that's just not my style. 66 word sentence. That's a new PB. I've completely screwed what could have been a fine piece of writing, I know you're reading this dad and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

BACK ON TRACK: Crazy. Crazy attack of the prints. But not an attack of the senses. Despite having mixed (and possibly killed) around 10 (2/3) different animals for his collection and undoubtedly robbed a clan of Scotts, Holland has managed to produce a loud, but very succinct and fluid season. Although being ambushed at first by his choice of 'print mixing' (very on trend Holls, this ain't your first rodeo, is it buddy?) a subtle collection of pleasant pastels soothes our shattered nerves. And if that array of adjectives and alliteration didn't paint obviously enough the scandalous tale of a lone Leocophant (leopard/cow/elephant cross breed) trying to find his way in a Scottish world whilst being hunted by an angry British designer aka House of Holland Spring 2012 Collection, then here are some purdy pictures to help your exhausted minds eye.

If I hadn't already, this post will definitely have extinguished the last of my surely dwindling readership (had a slight peak due to Keating popularity, but that will be exhausted by my tiresomely long and tangent infused paragraphs). I would like to say, please continue reading, give me another chance, It's 2 AM, I don't remember most of what I've written.. I'm slightly crazed.. who and where is this House of Holland? Why are these girls wearing the skins of Leocophants? Where am I? Who am I writing to? What am I doing with my life?? 

Anyway enough of that nonsense. I'm finally going to bed, I just missed you all too much to not have one last attempt at a post. And in that attempt, like with most last ditch one's, I have lost you. 

Farewell my beloveds,*

Note: this will not be my last post.