I really hate that I don't hate Michael Kors. Because I do. I do hate Michael Kors. And I don't hate anyone (I hate most people). I find him pompous, boring and way. Too. American. Usually this is how I feel about what he does with clothes. Over all his Pre-Fall 2012 collection sucks. BUT it... it is wearable. There is some gold amongst what is usually an unsalvageable collection. By Kors standards.
There's a lot of beige. He's a beige kinda guy. And it's not particularly inspired (literally based on a trip to Phoenix. Seriously man, you didn't even try.. at least make something up) which is a tad disappointing but you know, it's Michael Kors. He's what yuppies dreams are made of (I think secretly I may want to be of the upper class where there is more money than taste, aka Kors taget audience, but that was not God's will). And it is, as per usual, very American. There are cowboy boots and there are cowboy hats. I'll be honest with you here, i hate them generally but these bad boys are slick. Almost make me want to not be the cynical bitch I am, jump on the Americana band wagon and hitch on over to the Deep South where I can, I don't know, chew bits of grass and have sex with my cousins. But in style. In black leather style. Yes, sure there are a couple of elements that make me not froth but definitely moisten in the mouth (that sounds a bit dirty.. I definitely don't have moist feelings for Michael Kors) over the K-burger's shit (that's even worse.. jesus..). For every beige trouser leg there is also a leathery harness. And for every beyond average white and tan outfit he's got a shot of red and turquoise. But what truly made me salivate? The mother lickin' fur skirt. Unwearable you say? Truly absurd? Murder? Wrong, wrong and maybe a little. God dammit this belongs with me in bed beside that Deadly Ponies furry lover my gold dug husband will buy for me.
What I love:
Black on black on black leather. That is a leather smock. It is. It should be worn when killing things and cooking corn for your 10 children who you named after the states they were born in. Incorrectly. With accents.
Styled terribly... why cardigan... why... don't hurt that skirt.. just don't do that.. I take it as a personal offence. But in all seriousness I need some fur on my ass come pre-fall (what the hell does that even mean. Pre Fall is summer. Fuck.)
I'm just going to come out and say it. I could wear this dress better than that model can. Suck my self involved wang, un-identified model.
What should be burnt:
There is nothing ok with all white outfits. There is nothing ok with all white out fits with tan accessories.
This is what I like to think the Abominable Snowman would wear when they go on bus toured vacations across America. If ten year old children can't work cross-body bags then you, as an adult yeti, cannot either. And don't start on me, safety and practicality is just not an excuse. Oh, and your shorts offend me.
Good lord. I am so bored by this. I have nothing to say. This outfit hurts my feelings.
I feel like this was a big waste of my time. I never, ever want to write about Michael Kors again.